all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She's like a pop up book from hell.
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You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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