what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
