apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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