Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
