my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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