Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
