She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We talked him into tasing himself.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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