so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
