I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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