quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm really busy with my period
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