Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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