once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
