Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
