your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
