Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
