I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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