Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just cropdusted the office
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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