do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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