I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
