can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize