My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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