I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
