Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
