Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
