none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My dad just said "fuck circus"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
