wrigley field is MILF paradise
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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