Someone shit on the floor
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Come on in and take your pants off
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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