When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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