420 ftw
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
