just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
