So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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