Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
being pregnant is like rehab
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
