I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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