She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
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i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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