I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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