Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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