i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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