She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
