College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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