I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
