It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
