I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
