Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
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they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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