wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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