we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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