The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Randomize