Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need to calm my uterus...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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