i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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