I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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