she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
