Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
