roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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