And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
