Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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