i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
