I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
