your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Randomize
