I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
4 words: hood of his car
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
