its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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