No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Randomize
