someone threw a dead crab at me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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