Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
