I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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