I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
