if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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