I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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