Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
