explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
