So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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