I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
