my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
