you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
