hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
