Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
